Overseas

It’s cold living in the same household
With someone that you don’t even know.
We’re separate soles that used to be a whole.
I don’t know what guided us to dividing love
When we used to share it from the same bowl.
We used to wear it like the same clothes.
I remember when it was you and me,
But now it’s just you then me.
It feels like you’re just here physically
And your heart has gone overseas.
You were my better half through cries and laughs
And now the better half of you is gone.
We may as well be in Iraq or Baghdad
Because our love is an overseas war zone.
I pray God oversees us before we’re alone.
I know that Jesus was hit with stones,
But is love really supposed to hurt this bad?
I really miss the togetherness we had.
I hate how the weather gets when it’s sad.
I’d rather rebuild and better this than be mad,
But I feel like your heart has gone overseas
And you’re blowing love like unraked leaves.
Honestly, I don’t know what to believe
When your mouth is shut and padlocked
Like a prisoner overseas who wants to be freed.
I thought communication was the key
But if your voice remains unheard to me,
What am I to think when you’re thinking silently?
Assume to make an ass out of you and me?
I hate when you act privately and move cautiously.
I hate that you’re leaving me with the unknown.
I don’t want a house full of furniture
And still feel like I’m living in an empty home.
You seem like a prisoner overseas to me
That wants to be freed, but has the key.
If you went AWOL this love would fall,
But don’t remain present giving nothing at all.
Not getting along in your own home is like
A prisoner who wants to be freed but can’t fight.
I just hope this love isn’t shell shocked for life.

Invisible Tears

Sometimes the pain could hurt too much
But I just can’t seem to physically cry.
Just because the tears cannot be seen
Doesn’t mean they’re not inside.
It’s like I’m hurting and searching for the one who cries,
But I never find that person when no tears fall from my eyes.
The absence of a tear is no implication of what’s inside.
When the symptoms are not revealed, pain is often misclassified.
To the world it appears as though I hide my pain
By refraining my own tears,
But a dry cheek doesn’t mean I hide the way we feel.
The eyes may show no feeling, not even a teardrop.
Some tears never reach the surface
Because they’re soaked up by hearts.
Some tears are invisible but the pain feels the same.
Just because tears can’t be seen doesn’t mean there isn’t rain.

A Tired Woman

The more chances I give
The more chances you take.
I can’t continue to live
With your same old mistakes.

I’m tired of accepting apologies
For the things you do to me.
The more you say I’m sorry
The harder it is to believe.

How could you apologize
And be sorry over and over again?
If you were really apologetic,
The sorry days would end.

I’m tired of being a woman
Who’s tired of a man
That doesn’t know when
Good love is in his hands.

I’m tired of living a lie,
Pretending like everything is alright,
But when I express how I feel,
You just want to fuss and fight.

I’m tired of having a man
And still feeling all alone.
I’m doing the best I can,
But I can’t do this on my own.

Your physical and mental droughts
Are emotionally draining me.
So with the strength that I have left,
I’m using it to leave.

A Tired Woman II

After all the times you’ve hurt me
I still prayed and kept the faith
Instead of showing me you were worthy
You kept treating me in a worthless way

So many times you left me crying
To dry away my own tears
I was scared to leave you behind
Because I couldn’t face my lonely fears

I gave you everything in me
Even the things that I didn’t have
Yet, still somehow so selfishly
You didn’t give anything back

Each time that I let you back in
To work on this love that you blew
I would be working alone in the end
Like love is a self healing wound

The man that I once knew
Valued my heart and stayed true
How could you become so cruel
What in the world happened to you

I never forced you to be in love
That was a choice we made; us
Not just you or not just me, but we
Now I’m thinking it was only lust

All of your infidelities
Created my insecurities
I just don’t understand the way
You loved lust more than me

With all the pain that you’ve caused
I have to let those wounds heal
So I won’t let love pass by or pause
If a real man should appear

So next time you play that sad song
Singing I’m your greatest lost
It’ll be remixed by the flick of my wrist
Because I’m turning the radio off

Your next attempt of an entrance
To this heart will fail at an instant
My pain will build my resistance
As you seek a heart well fenced in

You created this tired woman
Yet, somehow you still wonder
Where does my anger come from
This is what you built down under

So yes, I am a tired woman
But just sick and tired of you only
And before I’m tired of you again
I’ll just get tired of being lonely

An Unspoken Heart

He didn’t realize how much he loved her
Until he realized her love was gone
And now the love that he has for her
Is what he wishes he would’ve shown
But now it’s too late to right his wrongs

As he sits in his room all alone
He just constantly stares at the phone
Just hoping, wishing, and praying
That she would call with the words saying
Baby I think I want to come home

But reality has sat into his mind
He knows last time was the last time
And tears slowly run from his eyes
Showing how he truly feels inside
From losing a love that’s one of kind

She asked him plenty of times
How do you really feel about me
But he couldn’t answer that question
Until after she decided to leave
Now her absence leaves his grief

He thought his attraction was physically
But it was deeper than what he could see
She had everything he could want
But he was yet to know his own needs
Until he was praying down on his knees

Now he has to live the rest of his life
Wondering what her love was like
Holding anxiety with strength to kill
Because he thought a man should hide
The way that he truly feels inside

Write The Pain Off

Every time I hear your name
It resurfaces my heart’s pain
I still remember the rain drops
That fell lovely upon my heart
But now it hurts when it rains

Beneath the dirt lies my shame
Because I really wanted us to work
But all I ever did was cause you pain
Now I wish to lie beneath the earth
To come back and show you change

I always rearrange my feelings
And they always come back to you
Now my emotions are slowly peeling
The lies that covered the truth
Trying to return my skies to blue

I disguised my feelings for you
And I despise myself for it too
It’s funny how the distance of love
Had to exist so much between us
For me to realize that I love you

I know there’s no changing the past
But we can change paying the cost
I’m just hoping my future will grasp
A love that I’ve physically lost
Because the emotions I still have

For you I’ll write until time is lost
For you I write the shame off
If it takes life long to right this wrong
My heart’s love light will forever be on
As I continue to write the pain off

Undiscovered Pearl

Cruising on a ship of love
She thought life would sail as such
But she was left completely alone
Thrown overboard to a war zone
As that ship of love sailed on

As she was being thrown overboard
Her mild cries had gone ignored
As she watched that ship of love
Sailing beautifully back to shore
Her new life is all she thought of

As the lonely oceans became her home
She created a protective shell of her own
As she pierced the waters of loneliness
With an abused heart and a mind stressed
Settling at the ocean’s floor to nest

She prayed for years with tears of fear
That someone would find her here
Seeing her kind rescued each day
Often revisited her heart to faith
Yet, alone she remained for years

This home was her comfortable place
That she sadly owned and embraced
As she looks above at the constant waves
She asks God to please make a way
To tread her above waters some day

Until then she’ll be on ocean floors
Protecting herself until she reaches shore
Within her self made shell she lies
Who knows? One may soon discover
Her shell’s precious pearl inside

One Little Lie

Never gave me the chance to
Accept or reject you based on the truth.
You pretended to want all of me
Just to get a part of me.
Instead of telling me what you wanted,
You told me what you thought I wanted,
So that you could get what you really wanted.
Based on your actions and words,
For months I invested myself wholeheartedly
And started giving you special parts of me.
For so long you pretended to be
Mentally and emotionally vested,
But you were only physically connected.
It took me a while to digest this little lie
That led to living a life that was never mine.
It shed a light that I thought was bright,
But now that I’m no longer blind
I can see that it never really shined.
I spent years begging and bargaining
For time that was never really mine.
I could feel my heart hardening
As I pardoned you so many times.
I don’t understand how a person
Could take another person through pain
And never feel a thing.
You faked an entire relationship
And even talked about marriage and kids.
You kept telling me whatever I wanted to hear
So that you could stay around
And continue to feel how you wanted to feel.
One little lie allowed me to be immersed
In a counterfeit love that was well coerced.
The pain is real but it could have been worse.
They say the truth always hurts,
Only if the lie comes first.